End of the Year

Well, we made it to the end of another long year. 2021 was not what I expected it to be but it was something greater than my expectations. This year has shown me many sides of myself and I can honestly say I love myself more now than I did at the beginning of this year. It was difficult for me to get to this place of peace, and it is a constant job to keep it up, but I wouldn’t change anything.

Y’all have been there through my ups and downs this year. I want to say thank you. Thank you for reading, listening and taking time out of your busy schedule to let me show you the intimate parts of me. This has honestly been so therapeutic for me, writing here for you. It has helped me process the downs of this year faster and to know that I have helped even one person is a gift.

So, in this end of the year post I am going to share with you how I have healed. What I have learned. About myself, about others, about the little things in life.

Firstly, I have learned that people come and go in your life. Like the lap of the ocean, sometimes those people linger for a long time and others flitter in and out. Each one is important to your life but you don’t have to hold onto each and every one of them for a long time. That was the most important thing for me to learn about others is that you can’t hold onto them forever. Cherish them when you have them and then let go. If it’s meant to be, you’ll find each other again. If not, you got to make great memories while you were together.

Second, feeling emotions is valid and needed. In my opinion a lot of people my age (30s) were taught to suppress their feelings and emotions because that wasn’t how we were supposed to act. Kids were supposed to be little adults and that just isn’t how kids are! I am still a work in progress in regards to feeling my emotions are valid. I am working on my communication skills. I am doing my best to help my son learn that big feelings are okay to feel and that I am here for him. I am learning to be more affectionate. These are all things that lacked in my childhood. But all good things are worth the wait and worth the work.

Third, I was reminded this year that my parents too, are only human. It is so easy to blame parents for the way they raised you if it wasn’t the best or felt like it was lacking. But if you think about what they went through as children themselves, it usually connects the dots as to why they made the choices they did. My dad grew up with an abusive step dad and never even met his father. My mom lost her mom when she was a teenager and had a horrible step mom too. My mom’s dad was super strict, he was in WWII and had super high standards. My dad really wanted a son and didn’t get him. So I think as we got older there was a lot of gender disappointment. So they are just people, who didn’t know how to communicate correctly, regulate their own emotions and were going through the same mental agonies of all parents. I have learned to give them grace too. It is still difficult but I am working on it.

Fourth, if you are married or with a long term partner, you can do hard things together. When you disagree, speak your piece, sit with the uncomfortable. It is okay to disagree for a time. If you are truly committed to each other, you will work it out and thrive afterwards. This has been the most trying year of my marriage in the ten years we’ve been married. It is hard work. Don’t let anyone lead you to believe that being married is easy. And you can’t get happily ever after without working for it. Happy is what you make it, it doesn’t just happen.

And last, get help! Talk to your doctor if you think you are depressed or have anxiety. Medicine is not the answer for everyone but it is nothing to be ashamed of and it helps SO MUCH! Find a therapist. Find a coach. Get outside support. Find a fitness program and an accountability group. Finding a group of people who will lift you up when you feel down is something special and irreplaceable. Getting help from my doctor by getting on meds, finding a fitness accountability group and hiring a coach helped me in 2021 so much. I wouldn’t be where I am today if I had not taken those steps and made those choices. If you are looking for a group and haven’t found one, my Facebook group Postpartum and You: How to Find Yourself in Motherhood is a great place to start.

To close, again, I want to shout THANK YOU to all who have read or listened to visited my social media pages. I am here to help you, support you and lift you up! I love you, see you in 2022!

-Valerie

Published by Empowered Mama Coach

Hi, I'm Valerie! I am a Postpartum Empowerment Coach here to help guide you through the new journey of motherhood! Here I will share what I have learned, give tips on how to be more present in life and show you that you can stop sleepwalking through your life and start living it!

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